Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
