I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
