So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
