He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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