Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
