I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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