who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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