Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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