Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
