The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
