For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
