Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
