can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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