tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
