I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
