Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
