At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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