Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
