I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
