Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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