i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
