Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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