How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
