she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
