moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
