some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
