she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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