I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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