I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
