just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
