There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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