If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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