when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
