All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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