Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just want nice things and good sex
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Randomize
