her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
