I wannas sexs uuuuu
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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