Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
