The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
