counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
