Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Need sex. Gaining weight.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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