grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
