Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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