apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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