But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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