I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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