is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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