I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
