Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
