there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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