I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
