the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
