i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
